I know as single moms, we tend to get a lot of advice and majority of the time it’s unsolicited. But how often do you hear about men getting good, solid advice when it comes to dating single moms. Well, I’m here to speak on behalf of the mothers.
10 Tips When Dating A Single Mom
1. Don’t waste our time. This one should be underlined, bold, and exclaimed from a mountain top. If you know that you aren’t about the “dad” life or if you think the mom is too fine to not consider, “being that baby papy” you should immediately pump your brakes. Being a parent is a fulltime commitment for 18+ years. There’s nothing worse than getting in a relationship only to discover that the guy only wanted one thing. It may seem like a good idea at the time, but you know yourself better than she does. Be real.
2. We don’t NEED you in our lives, but we do WANT you in our lives. Think about it, you meet a girl and she’s a mother. She’s holding it down and doing it well. She’s dang near super woman because she can take care of the bills, the home, the kid(s), work, volunteer to serve others, and do it all with a smile. If she opens her life up to you its because she wants you there.
3. She will test you first. This means that it may be awhile before she brings her kid(s) around you. A mother lioness is a natural protector so before she subjects her cub(s) to you she will more than likely test you out, get comfortable with you before seeing if the relationship is worth pursuing and taking that next step. Don’t get offended but appreciate the one on one time to get to know her as well.
4. Don’t expect that dating a single mom will be a walk in the park. It may be hard sometimes. Not just for you but for her as well. Some women are just going to have walls. Be ready for it. You have to understand that not only is she protecting her best interest but she’s protecting the best interest of the child(ren) as well. As mother’s we value our child(ren) and their emotions. We value who we let into our world and most importantly we value our smile. My only advice is to love her so much that she forgets that any wall ever existed. Love and consistency will do that.
5. Don’t assume that there isn’t room for you. Find areas where you can help. We make enough decisions on a daily basis for ourselves, our children, at work, etc. Lighten the load a little, surprise us. Don’t make us think of the date details. Get a few ideas from her and then run with it. Make her feel romanced. If there’s something that needs to be fixed, grass needs to be cut…Nothing melts a woman’s heart more than a guy that is ready to serve and not be served all of the time. When we see you are there to give and not take there is nothing that we wouldn’t do for you in return, but you have to be willing to show us first.
6. We may look like shero but we are ready and willing to relinquish our power to the right man. We know how to take care of business. We’ve been doing it just fine. However, most women will throw down the “head of household” hat and stump on it if she knows that she can entrust a good man to take up that mantle and do it better.
7. Talk is cheap. Don’t make promises you can’t or don’t plan on keeping. You know why? Kids have an uncanny sense of sniffing out the real from the fake. Disappointing the mom is one thing but don’t think we’ll give you many opportunities to do the same to our child(ren).
8. Don’t try to be someone you aren’t. Kids will love you for being the guy who feels awkward around kids because he’s has no clue what its like to have younger siblings or miniature sized relatives. As long as you’re trying and your sincerity and love shows, you’ll be just fine.
9. We are left to pick up the pieces. When the relationship goes bad typically you’re able to pick up exactly where you left off. However, as mothers not only do we have to gather up our emotions, but we must then gently and strategically handle the emotions of our child(ren). They are the ones who will be asking questions like, what happened to ___, I liked him. The resulting conclusion sometimes reached by the child is that they’ve done something wrong even if they don’t state it. I read a quote just recently on the internet that said, “Be the one that leaves a mark and not a scar.” This goes both ways (for men and women). It is important to end things as amicably as possible if it comes to that.
10. We think the world of you. No seriously, any guy willing to step up to the plate for someone else’s kid(s) is no doubt a good guy with a great heart. We can act tough but under that tough exterior we think the world of you. Please don’t ever think that we do not.
To all my single mothers know what you want when dating. This is important. We’ve all heard this being said before but take it in and digest it. Knowing what you want in a mate (not just physically) but in character and action can save you precious time.
Also, don’t try to force a man into an image that you created for him. When we enter into relationships sometimes we come to the table with many expectations and when the guy falls short of your list. You are the one that will be disappointed.
For the record…Loving a woman with children is one of the bravest things you can do. If all works out, you’ll gain an instant family which is a blessing in itself.